Friday, January 20, 2012

In Memory of Mom

Today, it has been one year since my mom passed away. I cannot believe that so much time has gone by--this year seems to have flown past so quickly that I still haven't caught my breath. In other ways, I can't believe it has only been one year. It feels like forever, an eternity. I can go several days in a row before something reminds me of her, and then it's like a bandage has been yanked rather abruptly from a not-quite-healed wound and I'm left with stinging tears and an ache in my heart.

Losing Mom stinks.
Even with the perspective that I'll see her again after this life, I'm lonely for her. I miss calling Mom every Sunday to talk about the week and touch base. I still want to call her randomly and share some of my kids' accomplishments.
I call my sister, instead.
Watching my mom get hit with liver cancer and die 2 weeks after the diagnosis was horrible. She was in pain, she could barely talk, and she just wanted to go. And I knew she was in so much pain and I wanted her to be able to move on.
But I didn't want to let her go because I knew I would miss her. And I still do.
So today, I'll eat some chocolate for Mom. I'll tell the kids stories about her, and how she taught me to burp and to sew. I'll share pictures and celebrate her life, and the life she gave to all of us. And then I'll cry a little, because that's part of today, too.
Miss you, Mom. Love you forever.